A break from pictures.

I thought I would take a break from posting what I've been involved in and putting up pictures. If that is what you were looking for, there will be new pictures and Wisconsin ANTSO National Miss updates within the week. I felt inspired to write the following and hope whoever is reading this will be able to take something away from it...

When I was born my mom said I had the most beautiful lips she had ever seen. Of course being my mom she would think that. I’m not sure the exact time line as to when the event occurred, but within a few days after I was born my top lip started to puff out and turn purplish red. I was brought into the doctors by my parents not knowing what was happening to their newborn baby girl. That is when my parents were told that I had developed a hemangioma. Since my definition would probably be more general, here is Mayo Clinic definition of what a hemangioma is: “a birthmark that appears as a bright red patch or a nodule of extra blood vessels in the skin”. Basically, I had this puffy red mass that covered up from the top of my lip to my nose. Like a big vascular mustache of sorts. My parents did not want this to affect how I viewed myself. There was another little girl that went to the same pediatrician as I did whose parents insisted on covering up an oversized mole on her forehead with a Band-Aid. I’m sure that did a lot for her self esteem.

There are only so many times your family members can tell you that you are beautiful without starting to believe there is some kind of bias. My sister brought me to school to meet a kid in her class that had a hemangioma for encouragement. That was all fine and well, but it still affected me. I couldn’t drink out of bottles because it would make the hemangioma that much more inflamed. My face looked like I had gotten into some kind of brawl, and believe me, people asked about it. Around first grade I also developed a mole on my head that had to be removed. In order for the removal a portion of my hair had to be shaved off. This was near devastating for a six year old little girl. It was about this time that I decided that my hemangioma needed to go. I could not possibly deal with a partially shaved head and a huge hemangioma on my face. One night when my nose was raw from Kleenex usage because of a cold, I devised a plan to rip off my hemangioma. I felt something had to be done. I grabbed a piece of skin and just pulled. Blood was everywhere. I don’t know what exactly I did, but it actually did work…sort of.

By the time my self-inflicted wound had healed up and a few years had gone by, the damage of both the hemangioma and my attempt to fix it was evident. When hemangiomas disappear, as most do, they leave some deformation to the area affected. Due to my master plan a noticeable pitted round scar had formed. The left side of my lip stayed swollen and became pigmentless. Literally, it is still white to this day. This in turn led to my affinity with colored lip gloss. Also the indentation area (I have no clue what this is called) below my nose did not form correctly.

In 7th grade I received a letter from a plastic surgeon. He had lobbied for my facial cause and wanted to perform reconstructive surgery on my face for free. I couldn’t believe it as I held the letter in my hands. This was my chance to look like everyone else. They were going to remove the extra portion of my lip and in essence fold in the scar so it would not be visible. There was talk of putting collagen in my lips to even them out, and they would then reconstruct the “indentation” below my nose. This was going to be my life changing moment…the moment where I could finally feel “normal”.

I mentioned to my best friend about the surgery. She didn’t even notice the scar or the fact that my lip was half white. I guess the lip gloss really did pay off. What I obsessed about and I noticed every time I looked in the mirror or looked at a photograph of myself others did not see. I mean I really had to point it out for her to notice, and she saw me every day. It was then that I decided I would turn down the offer for plastic surgery, and decided then I would never get plastic surgery. I’m not saying that it isn’t wonderful for other people, but it was not for me. It made me think that if I was so upset over this malformation that no one else seemed to notice, how much do we all obsess over imperfections that others do not see?

I started thinking about all of this when I was brushing my teeth before bed last night. I looked in the mirror at my makeup-less face, and couldn’t believe how I was ever traumatized by my birthmark. It really did not matter in the long run of things. I’m thankful my parents didn’t make a big deal out of it the way the girl with the forehead mole’s parents had done to her. The only thing that ever bothered me was other people questioning my birthmark, and in essence questioning me. I was letting other’s perceptions of who I was and how I looked destroy my self-concept and at times my happiness. Really their opinion of me in no way shaped who I am as a person. I had a hemangioma on my face. So what, I’m graduating college with a theatre degree. I still have a scar on my face. So what, I’m Miss Wisconsin ANTSO National Miss and placed in the top 10 at nationals. I could still accomplish whatever I set my mind to. At some point we all need to realize that there is nothing more important than accepting who you are as a person. If you do not like who you are, how is anyone else ever supposed to?

Nationals in Nashville

It has been far too long since I’ve written anything. I don’t even have a good excuse as to why I haven’t updated my website. A lot has happened in the last few months. I just glanced at my weekly planner to see what exactly I’ve been up to. I can’t even remember! Let’s pick up where I left off….

American Idol auditions!!! The drive to Louisville was very rainy. My mom and I drove through Chicago and you couldn’t even see the Sears tower. How’s that for rain? Other than that it was an enjoyable drive. I’m a big fan of long car trips. My family pretty much drove everywhere on our vacations when I was little – numerous trips to Florida and a three day drive to California. I am very proud to say I didn’t even get us lost. That might be a first. However I did take us fifteen minutes off the freeway in search of a Starbucks. Hey, this girl has to have her coffee. Once in Louisville we checked into the hotel and went straight to get an American Idol wristband. I didn’t really see anything while in Louisville. I woke up at 3 am the morning of the audition. I think I had 4 hours of sleep at the most. We were required to line up by 5 am so they could get all of the “standing in line” shots. I finally got in the building at 8 am. They had us sing a few crowd songs. None of the judges were there in Louisville, nor was Ryan Seacrest. A line of tables were set up for people to audition at. I finally auditioned at 2 pm. If it would have been much longer, I probably would have left. I was so tired and cold and my straightened hair turned curly because of the Kentucky humidity. I ended up not making it to the next round. It would have been a travesty if I did. There were people who were far more talented than me. You could hear them through the entire arena and they weren’t put through. There was a guy there from Washington who could not sing for the life of him. They put him though clearly to be made fun of. He was so excited that he was in tears. I felt awful because he now had to pay to travel back two months later (hotel, airfare, etc.) to get made fun of. He really thought he could sing too.

On to Nashville… Wow, was it an AMAZING time. I can’t even put it in words. I met twenty-five of the most amazing/talented/intelligent women. I know that sounds so cliché, but I think I made life-long friends. There were no cliques or talking behind each other’s back. We just all hung out. If someone needed help, there would be another queen there to help them out. I didn’t have to do my hair the entire time thanks to Miss New Jersey’s sister. One night a mini dance party formed in the hotel restaurant. Actually, the whole time there was like a giant dance party. Some of us Miss queens even got up during intermission of the teen pageant and started dancing in the aisles. I’m sure some parents probably thought we were crazy. I don’t think there was one night that I was back to the hotel room before midnight because all of the queens were in the lobby or restaurant chatting with one another. I feel so blessed to be a part of a program like ANTSO that just radiates positivity.

Talent went well. I didn’t win any awards, but I know I did my personal best. I belted a D at the end my song which is really difficult to do, and it took me months to not have my voice crack. I was so excited for that. My dad also made it in time to see talent – he flew in from a business trip in Canada. From talent there was interview. This was the strangest interview I have ever had. It was a conversation really more than an interview. There were a lot of political questions. One judge asked me how I got my red hair. One judge spent like two minutes talking about how I should keep pursuing my Broadway dreams. I talked about the housing market in Chicago and New York (I’m looking at law schools there). I talked to one judge about her bad relationships with Wisconsin guys, and how I apparently should date a southern guy because they are better (that’s what she suggested). It was odd, but definitely fun. It keeps you on your feet when you are made to discuss things other than what’s on the resume.

This takes us to prelims. I really wanted to make sure the opening dance went well because I was in the front row. Other than that I had no set goals as far as the prelim night went. I came to the realization five minutes before jean competition that I have no torso. I don’t know why I never realized this before, but when you have a white t-shirt tucked into jeans it becomes pretty obvious. I figured it was too late to spontaneously grow a torso so I put on my black heels (those heels were a mistake!) and went to model my jeans. I’m not really good at the whole modeling thing. I’m never exactly sure what I’m supposed to be doing. The onstage question was about if I feel I missed out on high school by having only attended two years. I the judges assumed that because I graduated at 16, I must have started high school at 14. I explained this wasn’t the case, and that I had really attended four years of school. People drove me around when I didn’t have my license, etc. Evening gown might have been my favorite. This is the best I have felt by far in an evening gown. It was just the perfect gown for me.

Finals night… I was just focused on the dance because I was in the front row for this one as well. After the production number they called top ten. After they call seven names, I just figure I’m out of the running. I was thinking at this time that my paperwork must not have been that good. With one name left I kind of saw the emcee start to form a W with her mouth. They call me! I was dumbfounded. I think I may have started clapping for myself. I’m sure I was making the funniest most surprised face ever. I had to remember what I was supposed to do next – walk forward into the top ten line. It was my director’s birthday and she was crying. I was just excited to bring this achievement back to the state of Wisconsin. It is not too often that a Wisconsin girl becomes a finalist. The other non-finalist queens had set out all of my things for me to change, and helped me get ready for the next part. I didn’t know where I was supposed to be in line because I only paid attention to what the people who didn’t make top ten were supposed to do, honestly. I switched my shoes for the jeans competition too – the other shoes were too tall. I was just beaming onstage. I could’ve cared less if I continued on into the top five. Top ten was enough for me. When they called the top five and I didn’t make it, my heart was still pounding from being called top ten and I was still beaming.

When I came back to Wisconsin, I had a meeting at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin to assist in the creation of a form that will be filled out by parents and adolescent patients to evaluate residents. I took a nice month break before my last semester of college started. I have thirteen credits, so not too bad. I take my LSAT on October 4th, and have officially concluded I will be going to law school for international (human rights) law. I’m hoping in the few months between college and law school that I will get a chance to travel abroad (somewhere that I haven’t decided on yet).

There are a few things coming up on my schedule that I’m involved in. On the 9th I will be on WKTI talking about the Briggs and Al’s Run & Walk. I think I will be speaking at 6:30 am. If you want to hear me, you’ll have to wake up rather early. The actual Brigg’s and Al’s Run & Walk is on the 20th. I also was contacted by Baxter to travel to some of their BioLife events. The only set event on my calendar at this moment is a ribbon cutting at the Appleton BioLife. I’m hoping to go on the ANTSO trip to Virgin Islands where from what I understand we will be assisting in the remodeling/building of a Boys and Girls Club. I really hope power tools are involved – I’m serious.

I added a slide show at the top of this website. All of the pictures are from my time in Nashville at the ANTSO National Miss competition.

I promised pictures...

I spent a good portion of today packing up for nationals in Nashville. You should see my room. There are quite a few suitcases piled on the floor, and I still have more to pack. It will be interesting to see how everything fits in the Ford Escape. I finished decorating my jeans. Let me tell you, using that little iron that glues on rhinestones is just asking for a finger to be burned. There was only one casualty - my thumb. It has a pretty good sized burn on it.

Before I travel to Nashville, I will be making a stop in Louisville. While there I will be auditioning for American Idol. I'm leaving very early in the morning on the 19th so I can hopefully get a wristband. Once you get a wristband, you may or may not sing for producers. It's quite a process. Then if the producers like you, you will be asked back to audition for Simon, Randy, and Paula in September. I'll be in Louisville until the 22nd. I heard there is a really good art museum with Ancient Egyptian pieces. That might be worth checking out. From there I'll be in Nashville until the 29th. I'll try and post pictures and write about what's going on while I'm done there. It really will depend on how much time I have.

Now for a quick update on what I've been up to in the community. As I have mentioned before, I am the "poster child" for the Briggs & Al's Run & Walk which takes place in September. I have set a goal to raise $5000. It really is the least I can do for a hospital which has done so much for me. If you would like to donate, please go to http://www.firstgiving.com/samanthajankins/. Honestly, every dollar helps. Because of my "poster child" status, I spoke at the Briggs retired workers' reunion. My grandma happens to be one of those retired workers. It was great to spend time with her, and she was quite proud to show me off. We both ended up winning flowers in a raffle.

There is another bit of exciting news. I was asked to assist a panel at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. The panel's job is to evaluate new residents. I am going to help with the creation of a form that patients and parents can fill out to evaluate the residents they encountered during their stay or their child's stay in the hospital. That will start in August.

Now to the main point of this post. I took pictures today of my main outfits for nationals. I also took pictures of the accessories (jewelry, shoes, etc.) So now for the pictures:

It's hard to see, but the star has my name on it. Yes, that is a painting of Audrey Hepburn on the back. The string of rhinestones with the star is the belt for the jeans.

Here is the costume for my talent - "Diva's Lament (Whatever Happened to My Part)" from Spamalot. It is supposed to be a robe. I had it sewn together to prevent any kind of wardrobe malfunction.

The suit was modeled after a suit in the Louis Vuitton 2008 Cruise Collection. It was made by Alban Ltd. The skirt is having some last minute alterations as it became a little too big. The buttons have amazing seed bead detail on them.


There are no words to describe how much I love my evening gown. The pin in the picture is going to be placed somewhere on the gown. Not entirely sure where yet, but the gown needed some kind of sparkle.

The next post will be coming from Nashville, Tennessee. I am looking forward to meeting all of the other state queens, and spending what I know will be an amazing week in Nashville.

Has it really been two months?

I’m back!!! I know it has been quite some time since I last put a post up. I have neglected my own website. The last two months were a bit of a whirlwind. I had college finals. So basically there has been a lot of studying and a lot of writing. Then I went on vacation to lovely and warm Puerto Vallarta. I will try to fill in what I’ve been busy with as far as appearances and what not. I will attempt to remember what exciting events are coming up soon. I also have some reveal information as far as my outfits for the national competition. I’ll try to have pictures up in a fashion show type format next post.

I have sister queens! Hurray!!! I could not have asked for two better sister queens. I absolutely adore both of them. The state pageant for Wisconsin National Teenager was held at MSOE courtesy of the wonderful Coffey family. I was the official set designer as a part of my theatre practicum college class. The theme was Hollywood (I believe I have already mentioned this). Ever since my red carpet walk, I’ve been on a bit of a Hollywood kick. The stage was even complete with a mini walk-of-fame with each of the contestants’ names on stars. I got the chance to perform two songs at the competition. The first song I sang was “I Know the Truth” from Aida. This is the same song I auditioned for Broadway with. I also sang “For Good” from Wicked and dedicated it to the state director – Joan Kaminski and the now former Wisconsin National Teenager – Traci Baker. Traci and I have known each other since we were about six years old. I became pretty choked up while singing and I definitely forgot to wear the waterproof mascara. The new Wisconsin Jr National Teenager is CJ Bina. She was a Jr sweetheart when I was the senior teen. The new Wisconsin National Teenager is Paige Domurat. It is very exciting as she lives very close to me. We have already had lots of fun with appearances as sister queens, and just plain old hanging out.

Next I jetsetted out the Seattle for the Washington National Teenager competition. I had never been to Washington before so it was quite an experience. I was expecting rain in Seattle, but the weather was sunny and beautiful. I didn’t have time to make it in to see the first Starbucks, but I did get a few tall non-fat caramel lattes while there. Becca was the one contestant in the Miss division, and we had a lot of fun during pageant weekend. We will most definitely have a good time in Nashville! While in Seattle I also had the chance to meet the choreographer for nationals, Michael. He is FIERCE (I think he would appreciate me saying that – it became a popular word pageant weekend). Following the pageant I attended a shortened version of Boot Camp for Beauty Queens with Dale Smith Thomas. Let me tell you, it honestly changed my life. My life has been so much more positive since then. I feel more comfortable with who I am and all around just happy. I would encourage anyone and everyone to attend one of her boot camps. Her messages are truly words to live by. If you can’t make it to boot camp, at least sign up for Motivational Monday e-mails. They are inspiring tidbits that she sends out on Mondays.

Continuing on… I was asked by the Immune Deficiency Foundation to attend their Volunteer Leadership Conference in Chicago. The event was held at the beautiful, and really I mean beautiful, Palmer House. At dinner the first night, I sang in the historic Empire Room. Singers such as Frank Sinatra, Judy Garland, and Dorothy Dandridge have all performed there. After I finished singing, I received a standing ovation that seemed to last forever. It was incredible. I can’t even describe it. I was not expecting it. Here I was trying to get my CD out of the laptop in front of this group of people who just kept clapping. I could feel my face turn red. All I could do was smile. Back in the hotel room I definitely did a little happy dance. While there I also had the opportunity to speak more with Christine Belser (she is in the picture with me), who is writing the article on me in the IDF newsletter.

Right before I left for Mexico, I had the opportunity to speak on the Miracle Marathon for Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. I received a copy of my radio interview with a note that said the Miracle Marathon raised a total of 1.3 million dollars. Wow! Before the interview I stopped in at the lab to get my weekly labs drawn. I was in my crown and banner, and they were definitely surprised. They see me every week but had no clue that I was Miss Wisconsin ANTSO National Miss. The radio interview went really well. I had the opportunity to talk about how amazing the doctors are at Children’s and how I would not be where I am today without their medical care. I also talked about my time with Guillian-Barre and having to learn how to walk again. Let me tell you, I had the most stylish walker I think there ever was. It was even complete with a “slow moving person” sign. I can also walk so much better in heels. Walking is all about balance, something I naturally lacked even before I became paralyzed. In learning to walk I learned balance and was able to somewhat master the high-heel. I'm still working on attaching the audio for the interview. Once I figure it all out, it will be up here.

I have a few upcoming events in my schedule that I will mention. I am going to be speaking to the Briggs and Stratton retired workers reunion about Children’s Hospital and the upcoming Brigg’s and Al’s Run of which I am the poster child. I also was asked by Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin to be on a panel of sorts that will come up with a way for parents of patients and patients to provide feedback on new residents. I’m sure I am forgetting many more things that are going on, but it is almost 1 am and I’m becoming sleepy. I will post more events when I am more awake.

So the final decisions have been made on my attire for the national competition in July. My dress is an off-the-shoulder bluish teal (my favorite color) dress by LianCarlo Couture. I love, love, love it! I found it while I was in Chicago over Easter. My suit is being made by Alban Ltd in Oshkosh. It is burnt orange and chocolate tweed modeled after a suit from the Louis Vuitton Cruise Collection. My jeans have a “Hollywood” theme. They are not quite finished. I like to pay attention to detail, and detail takes me a long time. I figured that Hollywood would be a nice theme to represent me as I am a theatre (acting) major and will be going to grad school for screenplay writing/playwriting. My jeans even have a picture of Audrey Hepburn on them. For talent, I am singing “Diva’s Lament (Whatever Happened to my Part)” from Spamalot. Alban Ltd is also making my talent costume.

Other than that I have just been busy working on grad school application. I’m applying all over the country. The main schools I’m looking at are in Chicago, Boston, Denver, LA, and NYC. I will be taking my GRE in August. GRE = not fun! I’m also working on a screenplay to send out with my applications. In my free time I have been working on creating resumes for people. If you need a resume put together for any reason (pageants, job searching, college, etc), you can e-mail me at the address listed on this website. Resumes are kind of my thing, and I would be more than happy to help.

Doll party and other info...

Here is my little update for this week. Again, I'm trying to space out the picture posting. Look for a lot of pictures after this weekend's Wisconsin National Teenager competition. It will be a busy weekend since I'm setting up the stage decorations as well as the after pageant party. I also will be finding out who my two new sister queens are!
This past weekend I attended a "Girls and Dolls Party" at St. Leonard's in Muskego. There were so many little girls! It was packed full of little girls and their moms. Some were as young as two years old. They had a little fashion show with their dolls, and little facts were read off. There was one little girl whose fact sheet said she likes Iggy Pop and Slash. That got the whole room laughing. There were cupcakes served and American Girl dolls being raffled off. It was a very fun event to be a part of.

If the tone of this entry changes a bit, my apologies. I started this post last night, and didn't get a chance to finish until tonight. I just got home from being checked out at the hospital after being in a car accident. I was in the passenger, my mom was driving, and my niece was in the back. The car was hit from behind while we were at a stoplight when the driver hit the gas instead of the break. I was laying down (with my seat belt on), so I was thrown forward and then hit the seat. Luckily my niece is fine, my mom has whiplash, and I have a bruised cheek, sprained arm, and whiplash. It could have been much worse. The driver whose van hit us was driving without a valid license. It had expired three years ago! His license plates were also expired, and he was driving a van for a business. Just be safe on the roads, there are some crazy drivers out there. Also, buckle up. If I hadn't, I would have gone through the windshield for sure because of the impact.

I had my interview with the Immune Deficiency Foundation this morning for their newsletter/magazine. For those of you who don't know, I have the genetic immune deficiency called Common Variable Immune Deficiency. Basically, my body does not produce antibodies to fight infection. It was determined that something was not right with my immune system around the age of 13, but I've had health issues since birth. I choose to be vocal about my health issues because I hope to raise awareness. Not many people know about immune deficiencies, and it frequently takes up to a decade for some people to receive a diagnosis. The immune system is so complex, and if researchers can understand it better, it may lead to the better understanding of so many other health issues. All that I've gone through with having CVID has definitely made me the strong person I am today. My friend and I are in the works of writing a book about living with a chronic illness. As of now we have just been bouncing ideas around. Hopefully the book will provide helpful information as well as support for others.

Lot's of exciting news!!!!

I needed to update tonight otherwise I would have way too many pictures to put up here. I couldn't really update before as my computer was having some major issues. For instance, the Morning Blend segment that I appeared on will not upload to this website. I'm not sure why, but I will keep trying. I also could not send or receive e-mails which was problematic as far a school goes. Once the snow started melting all returned mostly back to normal. I keep telling my pageant director, Joan, that I have some exciting news to tell her. Now I have exciting news to tell everyone who reads this website.














I have changed my mind as to what color my pageant dress is going to be. However, I already purchased some of the Swarovski crystals for it. I guess I'll make jewelry out of it instead. Anyone want a blue crystal necklace? The new dress color is a taupe-ish/champagne color. I saw the material and knew that was to color for me. I'm leaning towards having my suit be an olive green. My talent costume is red. Once everything is complete, I'll put pictures up of the different outfits. I'll make it like an on-line fashion show.














There are new pictures this week! The pictures are from a dress delivery at one of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Milwaukee for the 'Princess for Prom' program. Through the program, girls need to apply to receive a dress. They must have high academics and be involved in the community. Classes are also offered to teach etiquette and boost self-esteem. I was glad that I could be a part of helping deserving girls receive a dress that they would otherwise not be able to afford. The girl in all of the pictures with me is Paige, and she is competing for Wisconsin National Teenager in a week. She collected dresses from her high school, and was such a big help. I donated some of my own gowns, and collected dresses from friends and a few other locations. A great big thank you to Lourdes High School (my old high school) for helping me out with this project! Together, Paige and I collected nearly 100 dresses.

While at the Boys and Girls Club, I had the opportunity to tour the facility as well as take pictures and sign autographs for the children. They were so adorable! I was asked if I was the president, and another child asked how I got Miss Wisconsin's crown. I talked with the head of that Boys and Girls Club location about possibly volunteering to teach vocal lessons and acting classes this summer. My niece, Ava, came with me to visit the Boys and Girls Club. She is the baby with the pacifier in the picture against the blue lockers. They were just about to take the picture when she made a run for it. The other children were laughing so hard. My niece is a baby model, and leave it to her to have to be in front of the camera at all times.

This weekend I am attending a local church event. It is a doll party with area little girls. Apparently they will be bringing their dolls and dressing up as their favorite doll character. I will make sure to put up pictures of it in my next post.

Now for my most exciting news - I was contacted by Children's Hospital of Wisconsin this week. At first, I thought it was going to be one of those pre-recorded "you have a doctor appointment" messages. On the other end of the line was the PR person from Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. She informed me that the PR department of Children's loved my story, and they would like me to be one of their poster "children" for the Briggs and Al's Run & Walk. They selected my story out of hundreds submitted. I will be one of about ten different poster children for the event. My story will be on pamphlets, posters, the website and other promotional material. I also will be helping out the day of the run/walk which is in September. What an honor! The run/walk raises over a million each year for Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. My Grandma F. was very excited because she spent over thirty years working for Briggs, and now her granddaughter is the poster child for their sponsored run/walk. I just feel lucky to be able to be a poster child at 20. Whatever I can do to give back to a hospital that has given so much to me. So get a team together, sign up, get pledges, and run (or walk) in Briggs and Al's Run & Walk this year!